How Can You Help Someone Who Is Mourning

Editor Camille Renzoni

Cami Renzoni is a creative author and editor for The Recovery Village. As an advocate for behavioral health, Cami is certified in... read more than

Medically Reviewed By Paula Holmes, LCSW

Paula Holmes is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist and freelance writer who lives and works in midcoast Maine. She... read more

Updated on x/nineteen/21

Grief tin feel incredibly alone and overwhelming. When someone you know loses a loved one, they need your beloved and support more than ever. If you are wondering how to help a grieving friend, there are many simple means to testify pity during their time of need.

Article at a Glance:

At that place are many means to evidence dearest and support for someone during times of grief.
Learn almost the grieving process, listen to those who are grieving and check in on them ofttimes.
Offering practical assistance by running errands or helping around the house tin can make a big divergence in the life of a grieving person.
Don't try to fix someone's grief, avoid the problem or push your religion on a grieving person.
In that location is no right matter to say to someone who's grieving, and then merely be there and offer a listening ear.

The Do's

It tin be challenging to know what to say to someone grieving. The fear of maxim the wrong thing could make you avoid trying to help, merely there is no one particular style to assist someone through grief. Past being open up, empathetic and willing to help, your presence will offer support.

For insight on comforting someone who'south lost a loved one to suicide, read this article from The Recovery Hamlet.

1. Check in on them

Make an effort to check in with your friend, even if it is a quick phone call, a card or an invitation to grab a java together. Y'all might be surprised how much your bank check-ins mean to a friend who is grieving.

2. Understand the grieving process

As your friend navigates the many difficult emotions that grief can bring, it is important to take a general agreement of grief . People who are grieving experience sadness, low, anger and feet ordinarily. Additional symptoms can include physical challenges such equally digestive issues, slumber disturbance and fatigue, among others. As you lot take time to learn nearly the grief procedure, how you can support your friend in meaningful ways volition go more credible.

3. Heed more, talk less

When you are in the presence of someone who is grieving, it is often hard to know what to say. Your natural trend may be to endeavour to make your friend feel ameliorate, simply in a situation such as grief, no amount of talking will assist.

Be certain to pay attention to the amount of talking you lot are doing compared to the amount of listening. Your friend will benefit more from talking virtually their feelings than anything else. Listen to their thoughts and feelings and express compassion for what they are experiencing in their grief procedure.

4. Let them cry

One of the most important aspects of the grieving process is the ability to limited deep sadness and allow oneself to cry. Letting your friend cry shows them that y'all sympathize that crying is an important office of the grief process.

It may exist tempting to effort to cheer your friend upwards or tell them non to weep, just think, it is an of import part of grief and healing. Often when people are discouraged from crying it is a reflection of the discomfort others have almost witnessing that amount of pain. Think nigh the tears as a necessary function of the healing journey.

5. Ask questions

Oftentimes people are hesitant almost request questions of a friend who is grieving, for fearfulness of upsetting them or saying the wrong matter. Don't be afraid to ask questions as it allows your friend to talk about their loved one openly. If you're not sure what to enquire or how, some grief discussion questions can help guide the way.

Check in on your friend'southward self-care, such as how they are sleeping and if they are getting enough to consume. Venture into how they are feeling emotionally and listen with compassion and care. Remember, you don't have to fix anything — in that location is nothing you can do to make your friend's hurting go away — but your presence and compassion can brand a world of difference.

6. Offer applied assist

Grief tin can cause you to neglect your own basic needs at times. Offering practical assist tin can be a lifesaver when your friend is struggling to navigate the tasks of life while grieving. It may surprise you just how beneficial these practical tasks tin be:

Running errands
Cleaning their house
Cooking for them
Offering to help with childcare
Offer to aid manage or coordinate bills
Helping with laundry

seven. Be willing to sit down in silence

Grief ushers in a variety of stiff emotions, and sometimes a grieving person needs to sit in silence to regain a semblance of peace. It can exist difficult to sit in silence, particularly when you lot know your friend is struggling with emotional pain. Resist the urge to fill up the silence and make an attempt to let it infinite. Your presence is enough. By being there for your friend, you are showing your love and back up, even if yous sit quietly together and don't say a word. Your silent presence may exist more therapeutic than you lot realize.

viii. Remember important dates

Anniversaries of grief experiences can be painful reminders of your friend's loss each year. Endeavor to keep in mind that the date of your friend's loss, as well every bit holidays and birthdays, tin can be triggers for grief symptoms . Attain out to let your friend know that you are thinking of them.

After a loss, people often have good intentions about staying in touch but go decorated with life and don't follow through. Contacting your grieving friend on anniversaries and holidays can help reduce that feeling of loneliness and lets them know that their well-being matters to y'all.

The Don'ts

Like the helpful hints to support your grieving friend, there are also several reminders about behaviors to avert. Information technology is easy to stumble into non-helpful behaviors even when you have the best of intentions. Here are some thoughts on what not to exercise when someone is grieving and ways to handle situations that may feel hard to navigate.

9. Don't be afraid to talk about the deceased person

Sometimes people accept a misconception that talking nearly the deceased loved one will upset the bereaved. Most grieving people do want to talk most and think about their loved one who has passed, and by doing this, information technology helps facilitate the healing process.

Ask questions about the lost loved one, like what were their hobbies? Ask about the memories that your friend treasures. Information technology may be that yous are one of the few people your friend feels free to talk about their loss with. Encourage the conversation and memories about the deceased and just listen.

10. Don't endeavor to fix them

Grief is not a problem to be fixed. Your grieving friend but needs your loving support and presence. Attempting to practice or say something to set up the situation will but leave yous and your friend feeling more powerless. Retrieve that grief tin can't be remedied by anything but fourth dimension, back up and compassion. If your friend feels y'all are trying to fix them or their feelings, they may kickoff to view themselves as a problem, which may reduce their condolement in confiding in you and expressing their feelings openly.

xi. Don't diminish their grief

Acknowledging grief is one of the most bones and powerful ways you can prove your back up. People may unintentionally diminish a loved one'due south grief by saying, "You'll get over it shortly," and "You'll exist fine." The best way to honour someone's true feelings and grief experiences is to enquire how they feel and only mind. Trying to decrease someone'south pain by minimizing information technology only makes them feel disconnected.

12. Don't draw comparisons to your experience unless advisable

To place with their hurting and offering support, you lot might be tempted to make comparisons well-nigh your losses in life. However, doing then is unnecessary and tin frequently lead to frustration and anger for the person experiencing grief.

While information technology may be true that you take also experienced loss, use discretion when interjecting your experience. Only share and depict comparisons if the loss is very similar to that of your friend. Drawing inappropriate comparisons about grief can result in your friend feeling minimized.

thirteen. Don't comment on their advent

Information technology may seem adequately benign to make a statement about a grieving person'southward advent, but these comments can be damaging. Refrain from telling your grieving friend that they look tired, depressed or sad. Even comments that are meant as complimentary may make your friend experience as though they are beingness judged.

Commenting on physical appearance is a common practice, merely during your friend's grief, even the most well-intentioned remark tin feel harmful. Passing comments virtually a bereaved person looking drained only reinforces what they are feeling inside. Instead, offer your support and inquire how you can help.

14. Don't push your faith on them

When a friend or loved i is grieving, it can feel compelling to share your religious or spiritual beliefs with them as a ways of helping them feel better. Even though y'all want your friend to feel peace and comfort, resist the urge to talk virtually your faith with them. If your friend asks questions about your beliefs, share openly, but without pressing the matter.

15. Avert platitudes

Platitudes should be at the pinnacle of the list of things to avoid proverb to someone grieving. Phrases such as, "They're better off now," and, "She wouldn't want you to be sorry," should be banned from all conversations with the bereaved. These mutual statements are surely meant with skillful intentions, but only placate and minimize the feelings of the person who is grieving.

The all-time matter y'all can offer someone who is grieving is a hug, a listening ear and a compassionate presence. No combination of words will brand your friend's pain get abroad. Don't worry nigh saying the right thing because honestly, in that location is no correct matter to say. Grief tin can be all-consuming. Simply being nowadays and offer love and kindness is all that matters.

If you or someone you know has developed a drug or alcohol addiction out of grief , don't wait to get help. The Recovery Village offers compassionate treatment for addiction and co-occurring mental health weather condition like complicated grief. To learn more than about rehab, call us today to speak with a representative who cares.

Related Topic: Complicated grief treatment

If you're looking for other means to help a friend navigate their way through grief, the Nobu app can help. It is free and for anyone that is looking to reduce feet, work through depression, build self-esteem, get aftercare post-obit treatment, attend teletherapy sessions and then much more than. Download the Nobu app today!

Sources
- Dryden-Edwards, Roxanne, Dr.. "Grief: Loss of a Loved 1." MedicineNet, reviewed 2018. Accessed June fourteen, 2019.
- Vitas Healthcare. "Techniques Used to Aid the Bereaved." (due north.d.) Accessed June 14, 2019.
- Tempesta, Daniella, LCSW. "The Perils of Platitudes–What Not To Say To Someone Who Is Grieving (And What Yous Can Practise Instead!)" HuffPost News, June 4, 2016. Accessed June xiv, 2019.
Medical Disclaimer
The Recovery Village aims to improve the quality of life for people struggling with a substance utilise or mental health disorder with fact-based content about the nature of behavioral health conditions, treatment options and their related outcomes. We publish material that is researched, cited, edited and reviewed by licensed medical professionals. The information we provide is not intended to exist a substitute for professional person medical advice, diagnosis or handling. Information technology should not be used in place of the advice of your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider.

View our editorial policy or view our research.

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